Thursday, February 19, 2009

Today was better.

I had one of those low-point parenting days yesterday. It wasn’t even an entirely bad day, it was just a really horrible thirty minutes, when I was trying to feed him dinner and he wanted to eat dinner but then he didn’t, and he was shrieking and I was shrieking and one of us swore at the other one and finally I just angrily unloaded the dishwasher while he wailed in the next room. And when I finally went in to make sure he was still as mad at me as I was at him, he was standing sadly in the dark dining room next to the wall, trying to wipe his nose with the Kleenex I’d stuffed in his jeans pocket earlier in the day. So of course that made me feel like someone should probably just take him away from me because who does that? Yells back at their toddler, and even swears in his general direction? But before I was declared an unfit mother I snuggled him in the rocking chair for a while, and whispered apologies into his hair, and then we read some library books.

There’s more to the story than that, of course. There’s me making an entirely-from-scratch chicken pot pie. There’s him spending the whole of his life up to now eating absolutely everything placed in front of him and then asking for more. There’s both of us hungry and just wanting to eat our freaking food. There’s him trying to tell me he wants MORE CHICKEN but then throwing the chicken across the room when I put it on the table. There’s me wondering when Jeff is going to come home, why can’t he come home sooner, the dinner will be burnt or cold and if I hadn’t tried to wait dinner for him then no one would be shrieking. And there’s me, wondering when I became a 1950’s housewife making dinner from scratch and then resenting everyone to whom I’m serving it.

I realize this is just the beginning of the toddler control freak era. I realize that he woke up yesterday morning and thought, whoa, let’s go to Burger King where I can have it MY WAY. I realize that I’m not the first person who ever lost her temper with her two-year-old. But even though it’s normal and I’m not the only one, it was a bad thirty minutes in a not-so-great day. Today was better.

7 comments:

Tom said...

How touching, truly.

Theo's a lucky man.

Daniela said...

I have those days. It's also awful when they can talk and say things like "You're bad to me when you talk in that voice." Yeah. Kill me. Here's hoping the weekend is fantastic.

(also - my word verification is "noskin" ... ew)

Maria said...

I wish I could hug you through the computer. We all do have those days, but it doesn't help it from sucking any less. On the other hand, how wonderful to have a great relationship with your child, be able to snuggle/hug him, and apologize and know that he forgives you, right?

Tammy B said...

I'm so sorry that it was so rough! It's amazing how the accumulation of little, stupid things can lead to BIG stupid things!

Just remember that bad actions do not make you a bad mother! It is great that you gained a bit of insight from it, and I am sure Theo has long forgiven you.

Kathryn said...

Gia's new thing is to call us "Bad Mommy" or "Bad Daddy" whenever she doesn't get her way. It feels so aweful.

B. said...

Moments like that suck... but they're just that: moments. The trick is not letting them overshadow all the good stuff.

And if you're feeling REALLY guilty, go buy one of those foam noodles for the swimming pool and let him go to town on you.

After the first few times he'll be begging you to lose your cool... heh

Hazel's mom said...

So far my worst moments always happen when changing diapers. when Hazel remembers it's hilarious to kick, kick, kick. I usually just do a quick loud scream. Doesn't stop her or even bother her, but it makes me feel better. How long does two last? Sigh, it's only been one day so far...