Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Livin' On A Prayer

Dear Chuck Klosterman,

I tried to find your email address so I could send this letter directly to you, but I'm going to post it here instead. I imagine you've tracked down all the thirty-something bloggers from small towns like yours and that I'll receive a comment from you soon (fingers crossed).

I'm 2/3 through your first book, Fargo Rock City. This is problematic because my master's degree thesis is due in just two weeks, but I can't seem to stop reading your social commentary about small town America in the 1980's as it relates to heavy metal bands. While my thesis topic does relate to small town America, it does not include an analysis of power ballads, so reading your book doesn't really count as research.

You seem like a cool guy who might do me a favor. Well, actually you seem cool now because you have published four books and write for Esquire. You probably were one of the kids in school who initially scared me with his long mullet and Iron Maiden t-shirt (DEVIL MUSIC said my Young Life leaders). But eventually I sat next to you in World History and realized you were hilarious, even though I was surprised you spoke to me in the first place considering how much Duran Duran and George Michael I listened to at that point. So yeah, you're a nice guy. Could you call my thesis advisor and let him know my thesis will be late? And that it's your fault?

Because I guess living in a small town meant that I absorbed waaaay more metal music than I intended to. It was probably some kind of backward incantation by Nikki Sixx that caused me to memorize all the lyrics to "Lick It Up" and "Crazy Train." Or maybe I accidentally watched a few episodes of Headbangers' Ball.

Anyway, thanks for writing such a kickass book. I really appreciate your ironic use of umlauts in the subtitle, especially now that I live in Germany and know what an umlaut is supposed to do. And I'm blaming you if I never get my master's degree.

Sincerely,
Blythe

PS
This is still killing me (P. 21):
"Listening to Clapton is like getting a sensual massage from a woman you've loved for the past ten years; listening to Van Halen is like having the best sex of your life with three foxy nursing students you met at a Tastee Freez." Yeah, we used to have a Tastee Freez in my town too.

THEO'S BREAKFAST SOUNDTRACK: Cross Roads : Bon Jovi

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