Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Awarded

Now that it's three days later and you've probably forgotten all about the Oscars, here's my rundown. First, I'd like you to imagine me attempting to stay off the internet all day on Monday so that I didn't spoil myself for the rebroadcast. Then, think of my one-armed attempt at making popcorn in our handicapped microwave, handicapped because I broke the glass plate that goes round and round inside the microwave, and so the popcorn burned and somehow singed a hole in the door and sparks were a-popping everywhere and my snacks were ruined and I'm pretty sure we need a new microwave. So I drank my vanilla Coke with a handful of rice crackers. But still, it was my favorite TV day of the year.

-Ellen was a fine host, not a disaster, though I think the whole thing was a little too huge for her brand of humor. I enjoy her show a great deal, but she's at her best when interacting with Regular People and dancing in the aisles and it just doesn't work at a black tie event full of movie stars in that ginormous theatre. Also, bad white shoes. But I kind of liked the maroon velvet suit.

-The stars have apparently decided to impersonate each other on the red carpet. We had J.Lo as Liz Taylor, Reese Witherspoon as Gwyneth Paltrow, and Martin Scorsese as the garden gnome from Amelie.

-I am glad Helen Mirren, who looked spectacular as usual, won the Oscar, but Penelope Cruz should have received some kind of elegance award for the dress/hair/jewels/personality combo.

-Meryl Streep tends to show up looking absolutely gorgeous or else like the teacher of some hippie jewelry-making workshop. Guess what happened on Sunday? But, consummate actress that she is, she transformed into a high fashion diva with a single look during that bit with Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt (who I keep mistaking for Zooey Deschanel, where have I been?).

-In the everyone else seems to hate it but I love it category, I thought Gwyneth's dress was cool, what a great color. And despite my usual distaste for all things Kirsten Dunst, I thought her dress was dreamy. Loved the collar.

-Cameron Diaz seemed to have bleached a floral bridesmaid dress I wore in 1992 and added a train.

-I used to believe that Nicole Kidman could get away with anything, but that huge red bow gave me nightmares.

-Best Acceptance Speeches: Tie between Forest Whitaker, who proved that all Oscar winners should just calm down and take a deep breath before speaking, and the Italian composer (aack, I can't find his name anywhere, that's really irritating) who gave the best speech of the night even though I couldn't understand it. I was so mesmerized by his sincerity I didn't even listen to Clint Eastwood.

-The Dreamgirls almost provided us with two wardrobe malfunctions - first, Jennifer Hudson's enthusiasm during the original song performance (the whole Dreamgirls medley was one of the best O.S. presentations in years, I thought) almost burst right out of her dress. Second, did you notice that the slit in Beyonce's dress nearly caused the censors some problems every time the cameras showed a straight shot of the front row?

-What kind of animal has made its nest on Eva Green's head?

-It's confirmed - Jack Nicholson pays the person who does seating assignments to place him next to the most comely young woman in the room. Last year, Keira Knightley. This year, Penelope Cruz.

-Best Presenter Schtick: Robert Downey Jr.'s joke about his drug-addled past. I can only imagine that Carrie Fisher wrote it.

-I was pleased with all the winners, but I want to know when Kate Winselt is finally going to get hers.

-Best quote from our living room: "Hey, did that guy just kiss the Karate Kid's girlfriend?" (from Jeff, watching Davis Guggenheim, husband of Elisabeth Shue, celebrate after winning the Best Documentary Feature award)

Stay tuned for Oscar pool results, coming soon!

4 comments:

daniela said...

I agree on Gwynneth's dress. I loved it - What I did NOT love was her lopsided flat hair

Blythe said...

Yes. Apparently she and Nicole Kidman share a hairdresser, too.

Kylee said...

The red bow on Nicole Kidman ruined my evening - she's flawless and then shows up in that! She reminded me of a very cute kitten wrapped in a huge, satiny bow (except that makes kittens cuter while it just made her look ridiculous!)

Kylee said...

And I TOTALLY agree on the white patent leather shoes on Ellen... that was my FIRST comment to Jesse when she came out... it was like a bad Beetlejuice memory on a fantastically-funny lady!

The Italian composer was Ennio Morricone.