Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Contractually obligated

Every year or so, some entertainer comes under fire for his or her list of dressing room requirements. That's the part of a performance contract that delineates what must be available backstage. (If you're a gossip geek like me here's a fascinating roundup of a bunch of these contract riders from The Smoking Gun.) It almost always includes a bunch of bottled water, cold cuts, and, depending on the music genre, Jack Daniels or diet Pepsi, or twelve bottles of California merlot. You probably recall the infamous Van Halen demand for removal of all brown M&M's from their presence (which evidently led to the demise of all brown M&M's everywhere because David Lee Roth has that kind of power). Iggy Pop apparently needs a Bob Hope impersonator to prepare him for his act.

Life in Germany is slowly becoming more familiar each day, but there are times when I look around and wonder why I don't recognize any part of my surroundings. Milk in a box on the grocery store shelf? Five different kinds of trash bins? Gold lame sweatsuits? Interesting, yes, but unfamiliar. All of this new stuff is what makes traveling interesting - I've always found grocery stores to be my favorite attractions in a new country - but there are days when I just want to relax and feel like I know what's going on. For days like that, I've come up with the following contractual requirements. All must be within easy reach:

-microwave popcorn (salted, not sweet, bleck) and a microwave
-Trader Joe's
-Neutrogena Light Night Cream
-boy-style white T-shirts that Banana Republic discontinued three years ago
-Cadbury Dairy Milk with Caramel
-sweet clementines
-fully charged iPod
-a clothing store with a decent sale rack
-Vitamin Water (citrus flavor)
-Netflix (the expensive European Amazon version doesn't count)
-new episodes of the Oprah Winfrey Show
-unlimited access to English language reading materials
-high speed internet connection
-a kitten (but not a cat, and it doesn't go anywhere near my bed, I don't have to change the litterbox)
-frosted strawberry Pop Tarts

What's in your contract?


EuroTrippen said...

Hmmmm, the longer I'm gone, the less I remember what it is I actually miss. Still, here would be a few requirements:

-ibc rootbeer, properly chilled
-my laptop w/ high speed internet connectivity
-thai/mexican food that's spicy enough to make my nose run
-carpet or rug on floor so I can walk are barefoot w/o getting cold feet
-red & green (of the green apple variety) sweet-tarts... none of the yucky yellow and purple
-personal tutor to teach me whatever I happened to be interested in that week... yoga/scuba diving/knife throwing/origami/tarot card reading
-unlimited supply of crushed ice from sonic
-large jetted tub for two-hour-long baths
-rice a roni, chicken flavored, fresh & hot
-personal masseuse
-last, but in no way least, my very own hunky manny

ann_ona_moose said...

Some of yours were really good.

-graham crackers
-chocolate chips
-fresh cranberries that don't cost a fortune
-bedsheets made of fabrics, the names of which I can understand, and with threadcounts!
-cabinet space
-a dishwasher
-a normally sized clothes washer and drier
-real thanksgiving

I hadn't thought of Trader Joes in an age. *sigh*
and real mexican - only 7 months or so to go!

dani said...

My list was different when I lived in Brazil. My biggest challenge then was no internet (yeah, it was several years ago) and no Target.

My list now includes:

- my camera (my friends know i take at least 1,000 pics of amelia a month)
- the internet
- my tivo
- msn messenger to talk to Brazil
- Target
- Taylors (fancy deli store near us)
- Tower Cafe (easy for kids restaraunt - great sangria)
- water (i drink a ton)
- kettle corn (i can go through 3 gallons in a weekend)
- and zappos.

Blythe said...

I have the feeling it's a good thing we didn't have TiVo before we came to Germany because it would have been the drug that all those educational videos in health class were talking about - I'd have been addicted in an instant.