Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscar the Grouch

Before I share my thoughts on the Oscars, I must unburden myself to you, dear readers. I know that many of you spent the telecast assuming that I was sitting in my jammies at 2a.m. watching the whole thing unfold right along with you via the miracle of satellite television. Sadly, I am a weenie who gets grouchy when I don't get 9 hours of sleep every night. And I finally figured out how to read the online TV guide. So when I realized that Sky would re-play the Oscars on Monday afternoon, I agonized for about six seconds and then decided to watch the replay. I would have agonized for only two seconds, but the extra 4 seconds were added because I relied on the TV guide for my Olympics coverage and ended up watching 2 hours of curling final that pre-empted the figure skating exhibition. Fortunately, the curlers had the day off today and the Oscar broadcast transpired smoothly.

I haven't yet read any press coverage of the awards, so the following is straight off the top of my cheese-and-greasy-cracker-addled head.

Jon Stewart - I thought he did a good job. The Oscar host is not meant to be hilarious or to steal the show. He did neither, but contributed some crack-me-up moments (Bjork vs. Dick Cheney, for example).

Who seated Jack Nicholson next to Keira Knightley? Does he slip cash to the people who organize this thing? Or is he one of the producers? I'm sure she tried to swap seats with that guy next to her.

Best fashion comeback = Michelle Williams, thanks to a risky choice. No one would ever mistake that dress for something she might have worn to the Flathead High prom.

Hottest couple = Meryl Streep (she looked amazing) and Lily Tomlin. I loved their bit and I want to know if/how much they practiced it. They balanced poor Lauren Bacall's teleprompter problem (somebody get that woman a pair of reading glasses - where's Paul Giamatti when you need him?) nicely.

Outsider of the year = Matt Dillon, who never changes, he still looks just as hot as when he played Dally in 1983. If I were Cameron Diaz, I think I would be questioning my life with Justin Timberlake right about now. Oscar nominee vs. Britney's ex...hmmm...

The Crash moviemakers are going to have a week like the one that Marisa Tomei had when she won her Oscar - first thrilled, then defensive, then cranky, then they'll go on to make some movie that's even more interesting and say screw the naysayers.

Best Mom shout-out = Philip Seymour Hoffman, who loves his mom despite having to live with the middle name "Seymour" throughout his childhood.

Reese looked very pretty, it was nice to see her in a full-length sparkly gown. I wish I could see the details better; were those beads? rhinestones? silver threads?

I think Rachel Weisz was wearing Catherine Zeta-Jones's maternity dress from 2003, sans sequins.

Those crazy March of the Penguins guys were edged out for Best Use of an Acceptance Speech Accessory by the bow-tied makers of Wallace and Gromit and their teeny Oscar bow ties. It's all about preparation, people.

Um, who invited Buddy Holly? and the $6-million Man?

I'm glad Jennifer Garner didn't fall down. And I was so happy to see that she was wearing a dress that I could imagine that someone who recently gave birth might wear, versus other Hollywood mothers who seem to have found some Magical Kool-Aid that shrinks their bodies to pre-pregnancy size within hours of delivery (see: Heidi Klum in the Victoria's Secret fashion show).

My feelings about J.Lo's fashion choices tend to be strong, and I thought her green dress was lovely this time around.

I just love Dolly Parton. Apparently she can work the stage so well that she doesn't require strange, slow-motion tableaux or dancing prostitutes to illustrate the message of her song.

Speaking of songs, wasn't that Andie, Toby's wife from the West Wing who wrote and performed the song from Crash??

I wasn't wild about the black dresses, especially Charlize's giant shoulder bow, with the exception of Felicity Huffman who (as always) looked so lovely that someone ought to paint her portrait. Bonus points for the sparkly hair accessory.

I know you won't believe this, but Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter were looking as good (read: normal) as I've ever seen them. It's a shame about her hairdo but at least she seems to have found her own hairdresser, instead of letting Tim style it?

You might have caught Naomi Watts promoting the Lexus hybrid that she chose instead of riding in a limo to the ceremony. She's such a friend to the environment, I think her dress was made of 100% recycled materials.

Having the most fun = Amy Adams looked so happy, she was living it up. Three 6 Mafia, of course, were having their own party right onstage. And I'm pretty sure the whole crew from Crash is having a good time now that they've recovered from their simultaneous near heart attacks.

P.S.
I'm sorry if you experienced any technical difficulties loading the site today; apparently my service provider was having some problems. Probably due to the massive traffic that my oscar poll generated. Results are being tabulated and will be announced tomorrow.

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